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I had been suffering from depression for ten years, although I had no problems with money, and I had a wonderful family and no apparent reason to be depressed. I was suicidal at times, the doctors had tried me on antidepressants, Lithium and Valium, all of which had no effect, or made me worse. Tests to try and find our the reason for my depression seemed endless, until one day I received a letter from the hospital saying:-
"Dear Mr. Pye, We are unable to find the cause of your illness and feel it is unlikely that we will be able to help you, however, we believe that your condition is not very serious."
I knew how serious it was, I was suicidal, and I couldn't see how that could be considered as not very serious. It was then that I cried out to God in total desperation. "Oh God, HELP!"
For many years I had gone to church, and prayed many times, but always in a shallow way, never with such feeling or such desperation. In my head I found the words "Seek and you will find." Somehow I knew that this was God's answer and as I thought about this I knew I must seek God, but how?
I had been to church many times and had found Christianity irrelevant, but I wanted to know God, so I visited my library and borrowed many books on different religions, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, etc. All were foolishness and seem very similar to my experience in church. I became quite frustrated, it seemed everywhere I looked for God was a blind alley.
As a farmer I had always loved the land. It was October and I had ploughed and prepared the land for winter corn. As I drove the tractor up and down the field drilling the corn, I began to experience a peace in my heart I had never known before, it was as if God was with me in the tractor cab. This to me was so wonderful, I had sought God but it was Him who found me.
I started to pray in earnest, spending much time in His presence. As I did so I became increasingly aware that although God was bigger than the Universe, I was in some way on the outside and not part of His plans or purposes. It was then that I cried out to God from the depth of my heart, "I want to come inside you God." He spoke to me in an audible voice and said "You can't." This was almost more than I could bear. Again I pleaded with God. "Please, please let me come insider you."Again He said "You can't" but added this "There is only one way for you to come inside me and that is through Jesus Christ, my Son." I got down on my knees and said to Jesus "Jesus I don't know you but I want to, Jesus I don't love you but I want to with all my heart."
I could not think of anything else to say, so I got off my knees and went to bed. (I had an early start to work next morning.) Early next morning I was suddenly woken, and my whole body was tingling with waves of love and joy and peace flooding my body. After a while they would recede only to be replaced with a bigger wave of the same love, joy and peace. I lay motionless for what was perhaps about four hours. I found difficulty in describing what had happened, until that is a few days later. I read John chapter 3 verse 3 where Jesus says "You must be born again." This passage seemed almost to light up and I knew this was what had happened to me.
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